Addiction is the broken part of me that sticks, best. It aids all my fears, hostilities, and discomforting nervous tensions. What a perfect compliment to my fractured mind!
I love drinking and smoking cigarettes. I've been up and down and covered the entire road map with these 2 demons. These assholes are the shittiest life companion road mates I could have possibly picked up. And yet, fact remains, there they are, being fuck heads in the back seat of this shit mobile every fucking where I go. The simplest of life's pleasures escape me because these 2 dickheads finger paint with shit all over my peace.
You know, I can't even enjoy the company of a dear friend. Had company come to town to stay the weekend awhile back and I could not deal with the continuous company, had to escape at night, go outside, build a fire, listen to my ear budded iDongle and chain smoke. Couldn't simply enjoy the company of a dear friend I sorely miss in my life. No, hide away in boozy headed smoked lung fear, far removed from anything resembling comforting kindness. So, to these 2 back seat assholes I say: Fuck you. Get out now.
You know what? No, hold on a second... Let me speed up a bit, I'm gonna get this wagon going flat out full speed and shove these assholes out the door. If not, I fear our misguided night drives will slam us into a tree soon. What's sadder is that I know how it works for me. I don't even get the easy out tree collision fly through window decapitation & impalement high contrast bright loud violent death scene. I get: car limps around broken guard rail, nestles into the river banks thicket, stuck and silent, with a slow bleed, full consciousness, paralysis and a wasting starvation.
So. let me kick these 2 shit heads out the door now while I'm hauling ass on the road. Even if my life's top sped is 18MPH.
Lost my train of thought, I don't save drafts or work on writing, so, publish it is. Wonder how long this current mindset of demon freedom will last, my best guess, about 10 hours.